Why are you your own worst enemy and what to do about it?
Why are you your own worst enemy and what to do about it?
Today’s episode is really special.
It answers the question, ‘Why do some people succeed and other people don’t?’
For many years I struggled financially, and in lots of other ways, let’s be honest.
And then I learned how to get from idea to execution more consistently and it changed everything,
My weight
My relationships
My financial life
This episode I’m going to walk you through it.
And firstly hugely thanks to Brooke Castillo and here Life Coach School Podcast who explained all this in a way that resonated with me and a way that I could put it into practice with incredible results.
If you’re just joining us today for the first time, do go back to episode 1 as the episodes do build on each other to give you the full view of rent to rent success.
So Let's dive in
Why you are your own worst enemy sometimes and what to do about it?
Ugh Mindset you might say.
I used to think mindset was a load of rubbish.
And I know you might be about to skip this bit.
Stay with me.
When I was starting out, I thought the information about the property strategy was more important.
When the truth is that without growing your mind, you can have all the property information in the world and still not take action.
We all know people who’ve been on property courses.
They could get a PhD in Rent to Rent.
But they haven’t taken action.
The rest of this podcast is how not to be that person!
I want you to imagine something with me,
Can you imagine where you’d be three months from now if you did everything you set out to do?
Always.
And without question.
When you decide to get up early – you just do it.
When you decide to exercise – you just do it.
When you decide to eat healthily – you just do it.
And when you decide to work on your business – you just do it.
You don’t make excuses.
You don’t postpone.
You don’t procrastinate.
You just get on and do it.
For 99.9% of us that doesn’t happen
There are so many times we don’t keep our commitments to ourselves.
We keep our commitment to our employers, to our families, to our friends and even to complete strangers ahead of ourselves.
And that’s why Mindset Mastery is so important.
Doing what you promise yourself is not the norm.
But it can be.
And when you can do this consistently. You can do something most people haven’t mastered and you will achieve results most people can’t achieve.
There are tools we can use to help us keep our commitments to ourselves more often.
And I’m going to share some of these tools with you today.
Now you might be saying, ‘Stephanie I’ve done all this mindset stuff before’. Or ‘I don’t need this because I’m already positive’. I’m already successful. ‘I just want to make some cash’.
And you are right.
You are already successful.
You are already positive.
And you are human. Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you need to do more.
If you’re growing a business, you need to grow your mind too.
It’s a must.
If you had to think of the most successful businesswoman in the world, who would you think of?
Many people would think of Oprah.
She’s already hugely successful.
She’s already extraordinarily positive.
She’s ticked almost any success box we can think of.
Yet I heard recently that Oprah has 4 coaches.
Even Oprah is still working on all this stuff
Les Brown is one of the most successful inspirational speakers in the world.
He has coaches.
Richard Branson is already mega successful.
He has coaches.
Successful people in every sector recognise the value in consciously improving their skills to achieve success faster.
Your brain is amazing.
Artificial Intelligence cannot replicate the powerful complexity of your mind and what you can do.
So if that’s the case Stephanie what’s the problem?
Bear with me here because I’m about to explain something which, once you truly understand it, and live it, can change your life so please give me a few minutes for this.
Why you are your own worst enemy
Have you ever found yourself at the bottom of a packet of crisps when you promised yourself a week of healthy eating, where crisps are not included as one of your 5 a day!
Or you found yourself pulling the duvet over your head when you’d planned to go to the gym early and get fit again.
Or you’re putting a load of washing in the machine instead of making the business calls you promised yourself.
Why do we do these things?
And how different would our lives look if we always, or even mostly, kept our commitments to ourselves?
It’s your brain’s fault.
That powerhouse of a brain can be used to create a life you love but more often it’s left on autopilot and you’ve no idea what destination was put into your GPS.
So it goes like this.
And I’m simplifying this down massively because whole books have been written on this stuff.
Our brains have two important parts.
Gamechanger Brain
We have our rational brain.
Your Gamechanger Brain is aspirational and amazing and has big goals and dreams for you.
Your Gamechanger is future focused and comes up with brilliant plans on how to make your life better, a month, a year, 10 years from now.
This is the brain we like to showcase proudly.
I like to call this our Gamechanger Brain.
Your Gamechanger is very close to Future You.
And I love this Brain because it inspires you to be better, to do better and to be a Gamechanger in the world.
Toddler Brain
We’re evolved for survival
And most of our thinking is on automatic.
Our default setting is ‘NO!’ In capital letters.
Our Toddler Brain likes things as they are.
Our Toddler Brain wants everything now.
Our Toddler Brain has little concept of tomorrow, next week or next year.
And our Toddler Brain knows exactly what to say to get what it wants!
Explains a lot doesn’t it?
Most of us understand this at an intellectual level.
And then we beat ourselves up for letting our Toddler run the show in key areas of our lives which we want to improve.
Why have we yet again failed to stick to our plans?!
I’ll tell you why.
It’s because your Toddler Brain has a distinct advantage because most of this thinking is unconscious.
So for example, if you’re leaving work and not going home. As you get into your car you remind yourself to go to the shop.
And yet you find yourself pulling up at home!
Unconscious action.
Your brain does not have to think. It knows when you get in the car after work you’re going home.
And we need to have these automated actions so that we don’t have to consciously think to brush our teeth or make a coffee.
Our brains have a lot to do each day so we put regularly repeated actions on to autopilot to conserve energy.
Toddler Brain is designed to keep you alive.
It has 3 main drivers
Avoid pain
Seek pleasure
Do 1 and 2 using as little energy as possible
Your Toddler Brain is programmed to deal with matters of life and death.
Keeping you alive is a serious business. It pulls out all the stops to help you realise what not to do.
Why does walking into the centre of a stage to speak to a group make you feel like you’re going to die.
Why does the urge to have a treat feel so so compelling and irresistible?
So many of the negative results we have in our lives are the results of unconscious thinking we are unaware of.
So you can see why it’s an unfair battle to expect your Gamechanger Brain to compete with your Toddler Brain in the moment and win consistently.
So how can we change this to get the results we want?
We can work with our brains so that our unconscious programming is set for success rather than autopilot destination we did not choose.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate this point.
I understood all of the above at an intellectual level. And I’d seen great results in my business by consciously changing my thoughts using my Gamechanger Brain and gradually over time my Toddler Brain took on those thoughts and now my unconscious thought about business are mostly positive.
And I’ve been able to achieve a level of business and financial success that wasn’t available to me before.
Where this has really been a struggle for me though was with my weight.
I struggled SO much.
I didn’t realise it at the time but my Toddler Brain was totally running the show. Every time there was food nearby my Toddler would throw a tantrum and I’ve find myself overeating.
It felt like was eating against my will.
I tried so hard. And kept trying but it was a constant uphill struggle and I couldn’t trust myself that if I made a plan of what to eat, I’d stick to it.I knew that if there were cakes in the office, or I received a delicious gift or I visited a friend who’d been baking that I wouldn’t stick to my plan.
I was exasperated by myself .And I didn’t know what to do.
It felt as though I’d tried everything.
Then I heard Brooke Castillo talking about the Toddler Brain and recognised myself instantly.
She suggested a technique called the urge jar.
It’s so simple and effective.
The technique involves writing down what you will eat at least 24 hours in advance. That way you can only write from your Gamechanger Brain and your Toddler can’t get involved. (Your Toddler Brain can’t plan ahead).
Then at the time it comes to eat you practice eating exactly what you said you’d eat. No matter what else is there.
It’s like training a muscle, at first you’re weak and you grow stronger and it gets easier and it becomes second nature.
And you get a simple reward every time you ‘allow’ an urge. Allowing an urge is different to resisting it.
It means feeling the emotions, letting the negative feelings be there and choosing not to eat them.
Every action we take is to avoid feeling pain or to seek pleasure.
In short, we do things to avoid emotions we don’t want (e.g shame) or seek emotions we do want (e.g happiness).
When we have a way of feeling negative emotions without taking negative actions that damage our future goals and happiness, we are on the road to mind mastery.
Using this method, I lost weight, and felt in control of what I eat.
And weigh the same as when I was in my 20’s.
So what’s this got to do with rent to rent?
When you start something like rent to rent you ask yourself if it will work.
And what you really mean is, will I do the work?
And if you know you’ll do the work, it’s no-brainer to get started and get the results that you see others getting.
This process will help you to do the work.
Conscious thinking to put in the reps to build up so that your Toddler Brain helps you achieve success rather than hindering you.
Doing these things will give you incredible results in your life.
Not just in your property business.
If your results are not where you want them to be in any area of your life, it’s because your thinking isn’t where it needs to be.
We talked above about what these things mean and how the ultimate prize is to be a Gamechanger in your own life, your family’s life, your community and the world.
To use the power of ethical property to be a gamechanger for good.
So how do you do that?
Conscious thinking
Your thoughts control your results.
When you start doing this I want you to start looking at your thinking.
You might be surprised by what you uncover.
I found that I thought property and business success were not for ‘people like me’.
Be loving with yourself. You have those thoughts for a reason.
Often you’ve had the thoughts you have since childhood and they’re so much a part of you they feel like truths rather than thoughts.
Start choosing thoughts consciously.
Start where you are, with what you have and do what you can.
What can you believe today?
Maybe you can’t believe today that you can be a successful property developer but could you believe one step ahead of where you are now?
For example, could you believe
I can manage one property
I can set up my business
Other people have a successful property business and I can too.
Start with the belief you can believe today and begin to believe bigger over time.
If beliefs come in such as
I can’t do this
I am worthless
I should just stick to my job, who am I trying to kid?
Lovingly remind yourself of your new beliefs
Some conscious thoughts which are helpful
For me the Yes You Can mindset is all about you.
That you have everything you need within you to succeed.
I’m going to introduce to you three useful and empowering thoughts that will help you improve your results.
Now you have to try on thoughts for yourself and choose the ones which work for you.
1 Whatever happens, I can rely on me
This one invites you to be your own best friend.
You will be your ally, your supporter, your cheerleader.
You will be your expert, your thinker.
You will be the expert on your life and what’s best for you.
So often we aren’t there for ourselves.
We check out.
We say ‘I can’t’.
We say ‘I don’t know’.
We don’t have faith in our ability to think, to work think out. To support.
Become a rock for you.
Some people like to think about it as looking after their toddler.
Look after your inner toddler.
When you feel scared or stuck.
Be compassionate, be loving and reassure your toddler that you will always be there for him/her.
And then get your Gamechanger Brain in gear.
Make a plan.
And stick to it.
And know that you will always be there for you.
You can always rely on you.
2 I am resourceful
Many times we let lack of resources stop us.
Lack of resources is a myth.
You can become more resourceful and learn the skills to attract more resources to you.
3 I am unstoppable
Most of us give up too easily.
Thinking I am unstoppable is a way of tapping into your persistence to keep going until you succeed.
Tapping into resilience.
The successful are the ones who stayed in the game and remained on the field of play long enough to go from rookie to Rockstar.
A gentle reminder
It all sounds so straightforward doesn’t it.
Consciously think useful thoughts.
Use your Gamechanger brain to make plans that benefit you in the future.
But then your Toddler comes in and has a tantrum.
Your Toddler is used to a different setup.
Your Toddler does not want to feel scared about business or phone calls.
Your Toddler Brain’s job is to avoid pain and seek pleasure in that order and will be using everything at its disposal to keep you in your cave.
It doesn’t want you to Be Bolder or Be a Gamechanger it sees these as very dangerous ideas.
So expect resistance.
If your Brain is constantly freaking out and causing problems.
You’re being a human. You’re working as intended.
Your Toddler is trying to protect you.
Criticising yourself won’t help.
When you lapse
1. Feel and accept the negative emotion
2. Love and reassure your toddler
3. Reward yourself for the progress that you have made and keep going
This sounds like it won’t work and maybe your logical brain is rolling her eyes now.
I urge you to try this for the next 3 months.
Become someone you can always rely on.
It’s a Gamechanger - You will love it, and yourself, so much more.
You won’t let yourself down.
We’ve covered a lot today
Let’s summarise.
If you don’t have the results you want in any area of your life, you can improve your results with your thinking.
Your powerful Toddler Brain which runs your subconscious will be resistant to new ways of thinking and ideas.
Your Gamechanger Brain will help you to change your subconscious thoughts with practice.
Gamechanger thoughts are fundamental to starting to change the thoughts which are running your life.
The three I invite you to try on are:
I will always be there for me, no matter what
I am resourceful
I am unstoppable
Remember to offer yourself grace.
You don’t go for the heavy weights your first time in the gym.
You pick up the beginner weights and as you become stronger you can manage heavier weights.
So for example, if you’ve had trouble before taking action on something and now believe you’re a procrastinator.
Offer yourself, I can focus for two 30 minute sessions rather than I will spend an hour every day.
Start where you are, with what you have and do what you can.
You will always be there for you, no matter what.
You are resourceful.
You are unstoppable.
You will succeed
This is one of the most important episodes in this podcast.
That's it for this week guys, I’d love to hear from you.
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See you next week.
And remember,
Believe Bigger, Be Bolder and Be a Gamechanger!
See you soon.
Stephanie & Nicky
xx
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